seize feelings

it's only what makes us human

hi hey ho ha, i finally cut my hair and i am on the road to change is the only constant is change thx

should i cut my hair like this or leave it long.. i cannot decide

2008 has been somewhat normal: family, friends, ups and downs, but i can honestly say that i have become stronger and that is important. besides, i hate raking up the past and being cheesy is not my cup of tea. all i want is for the new year to be kind, this time i am going to be careful. have a great one everybody.

this is just a self reminder. merry christmas kiddos, have a great one.

23rd: jordus & gerri for tea + dinner
24th: sean's party with the best friends
25th: family lunch + church + dinner at aunt's
26th: stayover
27th: timbre with cheryl & sandy
28th: guitar hero at clarence's
29th: steamboat at jordus'
30th: bealson tan!!

not extravagant but i love love love the company and i really cannot wait.. xx

hi, so morning was kind of wild at about 6am when bb and i decided to ditch coffeebean for a jackass alternative and by that, i mean pushing each other on a trolley (running all over terminals 2 and 3) and taking random pictures with any christmasy background we could find. hell of a morning since b and i havent had this much fun in too long. but now i am pretty dead because 1) lack of sleep 2) godamn flu 3) secret. i would blame the weather but as much as i hate to admit it, i pretty much like the cold air.

you think you know someone

good looking people are very overrated.

this is me, by the sea ha ha ha i did this in five minutes, so whatever.

i'm beginning to get a hold of things for a change and i can even say: i'm doing fine so there you go. mambo was awesome with the usuals + more company and D's birthday celebration (finally 18 yay) and grocery shopping trips with K ended the five weekdays on a better note.

1. Develop fisheye camera's roll after finishing
2. Stock up on milk straws and cream soup
3. Shopping list: more scarves, footwear and hair accessories
4. Finally finish watching gossip girl xoxo + grey's anatomy
5. Shop for more fabric
6. Get a job somewhere
7. Signing up for FTT and sending macbook for repair
8. BKK tix booking!

my heart is unfeeling/hurting/cold/numb/saddened, i tried but it reached a point where i even lost the ability to cry this is so beyond me. everyone thinks it is so easy but it just isn't okay, especially when you're shooting yourself about it, it isn't. i am not making a big deal out of anything but i cannot even begin to describe how i am hating all this. having compulsive needs to make things right, obsessive silent demands to know that things are fine, i hate this.

take courage, take courage, take courage,
take courage, take courage

hi empty space, times have been rough but i'm still holding up better than i can ever expect. i never thought episodes of monk and appreciated hugs would have sufficed my big wreck of a life. mugging wise, cultural imperialism and media ethics explanations have been streaming in and out of my head endlessly, it is disturbing. my heart feels so heavy i think i might just collapse in the midst of my obsessive overthinking habit and the fact that "you are never allowed to forget your mistakes".

alternatively, i would really love to not think. not having a care for anything seems to be so pleasurable yet distant because that is so very very impossible. "there's always a choice", people say but how can you choose what you want if you are at a dead end. "everyone deserves happiness" just does not apply anymore, nothing is ever enough. so i go ahead and think, i consider, i muse, i lose myself in feelings. soon enough everything will become so cold, like glaciers, i am numb to every emotion that hits me hard from the back. i do not just lose myself in feelings, i lose myself to feelings. Feeling alone in a huge crowd, doesn't seem so bad after all.

but the good news is that i get to see planes later so things cannot get any worse, you think?

hi, sushi made my day
that's all, bye/

i must say i am disgusted by hypocrites and those who are unable to see that they are one. not saying i am perfect but at least i have a mind of my own and i do not stoop to low levels.

sometimes i just wish i was back in t107/2.

i thank heavens you treat me the way you do. it makes everything so much... easier.

i am going to smoke my hunger away/ till i die. before life starts weaving terribly and horridly on the 14th, i shall promise myself red ruby bowls and egg pratas (back to back) on selected days. hi, soulmate, you belong.

i need a reason to love myself all over again.

morning, just three words: get over yourself.

i forgot to say this which is probably very very overdued, but thank you t107/t102 for giving me that special birthday surprise last year. i treasure each and every one of you (and your gifts even though most of the food items disappeared ages ago ha ha) and i will not deny that as fast as it may have been, i had the best time ever being in this orgasmiczxzxz class. so for all the lame jokes and presentations and nervous speeches and retarded conversations and laughter, cheers :-)